Grocery Shopping with Genii
by Skater3
Summary: Even a quick trip to the grocery store can turn into an adventure when Sheldon Cooper and Spencer Reid are involved.


Dr. Spencer Reid was in the Produce Department carefully examining an onion when he heard the crash. From his extensive research, he knew that the nutritional value of onion was negligible at best; however, he still felt compelled to check each bulb before purchasing it. After all, he reasoned, he was going to be eating it.

As he hurried towards the front of the grocery store to discover the cause of the noise, Reid's years of training as a profiler led him to speculate on its origin. However, he was still surprised when he got a clear view of what was going on. An old, beat-up, pick-up truck had apparently backed through the front door of the store so that the bed of the truck was positioned directly front of the ATM machine situated in the store's lobby. Two men, dressed in work clothes, who had apparently arrived in the truck, were attempting to lift the machine and place it in the back of the truck.

"You can't do it like that," Dr. Reid told them as he walked over. "The machine is too heavy. You'll need to arrange a lever with a fulcrum to lift it high enough to get it into the truck bed."

"An inclined plane would work much better," the authoritative voice came from behind him.

"An inclined plane would require an arrangement of pulleys," Reid turned to tell the speaker.

"Hello Dr. Cooper," he added.

"Dr. Reid," came the acknowledgment. "Why on earth would you recommend using a leaver?" he continued. "It would be most inefficient."

As the two scientists faced each other, neither of them noticed a young woman with long, light brown hair who strolled out from between the rows of shelves and gracefully settled cross-legged on the floor where she would have a clear view of the proceedings.

"Well, for one thing, it would raise the machine up so that these two gentlemen could get a solid grasp of it to steady it and position it in their truck," was the reply.

"That would require manual lifting, with its attendant possibility of injury," Sheldon pointed out. "Would you recommend risking that?"

"An incline plane without pulleys would present the same risks," was Reid's response. "Someone would still have to push the machine up the plane."

"Excuse me," one of the men from the truck spoke up. "What are you doing here? We are trying to steal this machine!"

"We are just trying to help you do it in a more efficient manner," Sheldon explained.

The two potential thieves looked at each other and shrugged.

Another young woman, this one with short blond hair, walked over and joined the first one sitting on the floor watching.

"It's Emma, isn't it?" she questioned looking over at the first arrival.

"Right. And, you're Penny," the first woman remembered. "Good to see you again. I am surprised to see you here tonight with Dr. Cooper."

"Well," Penny grimaced. "Sheldon decided that tonight is 'Anything Goes Thursday'. And then, after the guys decided to spend the evening watching some sort of Star Trek type movies, he discovered that he was out of his favorite brand of popcorn. Someone had to take him to the store. Naturally it was me."

"These appear to be two relatively fit individuals," Reid observed. "If they remember to lift with their legs and not with their backs, there shouldn't be any complications."

He looked over at the two men who were standing, staring at the two scientists. "Do you work out on a regular basis?" he inquired.

"Perhaps you should don a lifting belt," Sheldon suggested. "Although there is contradictory information on the efficiency of those."

"More importantly, you did remember to unplug the electric cord from the wall, didn't you?" Reid inquired. After all 9% of all house fires in a given year are due to electrical malfunctions."

"Do you know if anyone called 911?" Penny asked offhandedly.

"I assume someone from the store handled it," Emma replied. "Chip?" She opened a bag and offered it to Penny.

"Don't mind if I do," Penny helped herself. "I didn't get any dinner and heaven only knows how long this is going to take."

"What type of tools do you have in your vehicle?" Reid inquired of the men. "Surely you have something that can be used to build a basic lever to move this machine. You couldn't have come here totally unprepared."

"U – m – m – m," the second man from the truck replied.

"Certainly you have a tire iron," Sheldon contributed. "That's standard equipment in a vehicle in case you have to change a tire."

"Do you think they can be arrested? They are kind of helping to steal the ATM machine," Penny asked idly.

"Well, I think Spencer has his FBI credentials with him," Emma helped herself to another chip. "And, if the locals aren't suitable impressed with those, I am sure they can always plead temporary insanity."

"One of my brothers tried that once," Penny nonchalantly remarked as she also took another chip.

"How did that work out?" Emma inquired curiously.

"Well, it might have worked if the judge hadn't had previous experience with my family," Penny replied. "He said he knew that the men are all hot heads who would benefit from a little time in prison to cool off. My brother got 18 months – 12 with time off for good behavior."

"$20 on the skinny guy in the vest!" a small crowd had gathered behind the two women and was getting restless.

"To do what?" someone asked.

"To get the ATM into the bed of the truck and make off with it," was the response.

"Do you even know whether there is any money in it?" someone else called out. "Does anyone have an idea of when it was last filled?"

"Good question," Sheldon replied. "Do you?" he addressed the would-be thieves.

The two men looked at each other and shook their heads 'No'.

"What are you doing in Pasadena?" Penny asked Emma. "I thought you lived on the East Coast."

"We do," Emma replied. "However, one of the networks is making a television mini-series of one of Dave Rossi's books. Spencer has worked with him at the BAU for a number of years and when Dave realized that he couldn't work with the writers and, at the same time, oversee the authenticity of the show, he made arrangements for Spencer to be hired as a consultant. So, we are out here for a few months. We're renting a house within walking distance of here."

"What about you? Do you live around here?" She offered Penny another chip.

"David Rossi – You know The David Rossi?" an accented voice joined the conversation.

"Yes, he and Spencer have worked together for several years now," Emma turned to look up at the smiling man. "You're Rajesh, aren't you?"

"That is I," the man replied formally, as he settled down on the floor next to her. "And you are the lovely lady who is married to Dr. Reid."

"Raj, what are you doing here?" Penny asked. "I thought you were at the apartment getting ready for 'Anything Goes Thursday'."

"I was heading there," Raj confirmed. "But, when I saw your car in the parking lot here I decided to stop and check whether you needed help with anything."

"That is so sweet of you!" Penny cooed. "But, as you can see, we're all set for now."

"Chip?" Emma offered, holding out the bag.

"Don't mind if I do," Raj replied, reaching into the bag and retrieving a snack.

"How long before the police arrive?" Penny wondered.

"Between 3 and 5 minutes is average," Emma checked her watch. "We are just past the 3 minute mark, so it should be any time now."

"So, you don't even know if this machine is worth stealing!" Sheldon pointed out. "For all you know, it could be totally empty."

"Still, as an academic exercise, this could be a worthwhile endeavor," Reid commented thoughtfully. "Something akin to a test run in preparation for the real thing."

"I suppose you could be right," Sheldon conceded. "But then you would have to be timing the exercise to see how long it would take."

He looked over at the two flabbergasted men. "Are either of you involved in academia?" he inquired. "Is this an exercise in ethics, perhaps?"

"You know the famous author, David Rossi?" Raj asked excitedly. "I've read all his books. They are great!"

"Yes. We're here working with him on a television mini-series," Emma brought the researcher up to date. "And, actually, I should give him a call. He's making dinner and I need to let him know this is going to take a little longer than anticipated." She pulled out her cell phone and pushed a button.

"A mini-series? Penny – Are you planning on auditioning for a part?" Raj asked.

"I haven't heard anything from my agent," Penny told him. "Besides, I'm a pharmacy sales rep now, not an actress."

"I am sure you would be great in Mr. Rossi's series," Raj replied loyally. "If it is anything like his books, there will be lots of corpses lying around and I am sure you would be an excellent corpse."

"Dave?" Emma was on the phone. "We've run into a bit of a situation here at the market. How is dinner coming along?" She smiled. "No, nothing serious. Just Spencer getting involved in an attempted robbery - Some guys are trying to hijack an ATM."

"Not to worry," she added. "Is there enough dinner for three more?" She looked over at Penny who smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh, sorry, I have to go," she concluded the conversation. "It appears that the police are arriving."

A Pasadena City police car, with all the lights flashing, pulled into the parking lot and the two officers inside it wasted no time in jumping out of the vehicle and rushing into the grocery store, guns drawn.

"Hello Officers," Sheldon greeted them. "Nice to see you."

"It took you approximately 3 minutes and 46 seconds to arrive," Reid added. "That is within acceptable range."

"Everyone step away from the machine and put your hands over your heads where we can see them," the first officer through the door ordered.

"You don't need to go through all that with me," Reid told them as he obligingly raised his hands. "I'm from the FBI."

"Yeah – Right!" the second officer took in the tangled hair, mismatched socks, and Converse shoes.

"He's right, Officer," Emma spoke up. "He is from the FBI. His credentials are in his pocket. If you want, I can get them out for you. Although," she smirked. "My digging around in his pockets does sometime have unintended results."

"Naughty – Naughty," Raj told her with a smile.

"He's trying to steal the ATM machine because - ?" the first officer questioned.

"He's not trying to steal it any more than Dr. Cooper is trying to steal it," Penny told the officers.

"Dr. Cooper – The Dr Cooper?" the second officer echoed. "We have quite a file on him."

"Just because as a law abiding citizen I sometimes feel it necessary to report on the actions of non-law abiding citizens doesn't mean that you need to keep track of me," Sheldon protested.

"They're not keeping track of you, Sweetie," Penny cooed at him. "They just want to make sure they are up to date on your latest – adventures?"

"Back to the machine," the first officer reminded them. "I assume someone here was trying to steal it."

"Those two," one of the bystanders pointed at the two men who had arrived in the pick-up truck. "I saw them back their truck through the door."

"Okay, so what about the other two?" the second officer questioned. "What are they doing here?"

"Actually, Officers," Raj emphasized his clipped accent as he spoke up. "They are two innocent bystanders who stepped in and managed to bring the situation under control without the use of violence."

"That's right," Emma spoke up. "They were helping you out by stalling the miscreants until you arrived."

"You said you have FBI credentials?" the first officer asked Reid.

"And, I have my credentials from the university," Sheldon offered.

"Okay, get them out slowly and let me see," the officer decided.

After carefully examining both sets of credentials, he reached a decision. "All right, you both appear to be scrupulous individuals," he declared. "However, don't leave town. We may be contacting you within the next few days to verify your stories."

"We can leave, then?" Emma asked, standing up.

"Yes," the second officer confirmed.

"Well, I guess we had better pay for our purchases then and be on our way," Penny also stood up.

However, when they got to the check-out lane with their purchases, the cashier refused to take their money. "The boss says it's on the house," he reported. "It's his way of saying 'Thanks for helping out'."

"Unfortunately, my husband is an employee of the federal government," Emma told him regretfully. "And that means we can't accept. However, if you would care to make a donation to the local food bank in his name." She handed the cashier one of Reid's business cards.

"I will pass that along," he assured her with a smile.

"I, on the other hand, have no problem with accepting free groceries," Penny smiled at the young man as she added several candy bars to the box of popcorn already on the counter.

A short time later, the groceries had been paid for and the five young people were standing together on the sidewalk in front of the grocery store.

"Now what?" Sheldon asked.

"Well, Dr. Cooper," Emma smiled at him. "I understand that this is 'Anything Goes Thursday'. So, let's go to dinner! Dave is expecting us."

"Special Supervisory Agent David Rossi is actually making dinner for us? Do you think he will autograph a book for me?" Raj asked, excitedly.

"Oh, Sweetie, I will make sure he does much more than that!" Penny assured him as everyone began walking down the street.


End file.
